'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
