I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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