Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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