So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
