I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
