I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
