one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
