They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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