my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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