There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
