Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
