Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
