life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
