I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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