were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
