shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
