my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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