great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
