My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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