she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We were destined to go to rehab together
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
