if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
