from now on my penis is your penis
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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