I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
