I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
