Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
