he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
