as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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