I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
