this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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