We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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