i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
