I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
