she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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