I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
