omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
