THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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