you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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