ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
