My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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