just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
