so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
