I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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