My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
