shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
