How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
