I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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