Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
