I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
