Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I will be naked everywhere
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
