Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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