hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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