Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
