I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
